Why I had to explain THIS auto-complete to my husband

My first blog entry, wow! If you're bored enough to read it, then I hope you enjoy it.

Anyways.

So, as a stay at home mom of...wait, I have three kids now? Sorry. As I was saying, as a SAHM, I often wonder about ways to help my poor, beleaguered husband (who works his fingers to the bone) out with finances. None of them every really pan out. First, I tried medical transcription before I decided I hate typing. Then I tried selling, ahem, adult products, before I decided I hated selling. Today, however, the four year old gave me a doozie of an idea.

Enter the four year old into the bedroom: "Quack, quack!"

Okay...I'll bite. "Why are you quacking?" Now I'm expecting 'because I'm a duck, duh' as he has a bit of a smart mouth lately. But, no.

"Because I found a duck in my Cheetos."

???

But then I take a closer look, and he really did! Look!

Now, I've seen the Jay Leno segment about stuff that gets sold on eBay. People will buy ANYTHING. So being the wonderful mother I am, I take the child's Cheeto away from him, snap a pic, throw it in a ziploc bag in the freezer. (Now, don't judge me. He had the whole bag to get another.) My brain has already formulated a master plan to sell this thing on eBay.

After the obligatory posts to Facebook and Twitter, the wheels start turning. Sure, I could sell it to someone who just likes ducks and collects duck thingies. But I have a dirty mind, so I decide I might be able to get more money with two little words that pop into my head:

Duck Fetish.

But is there are market for such a thing? My husband says there is a rule. Rule 31 or something, I don't really remember. It basically states that 'if it exists, some kind of porn has been made about it.' Not to put him on Front Street or anything. I hope he didn't violate any 'Man Code' telling me that.

So ducks exist. Cool, right? Rule of 31. Someone out there with a duck fetish will pay me lots of money for my duck-shaped Cheeto. He can even name it Slave and do whatever fetish people do with their fetish thingies. Hell, Jay Leno might even call! I can see the dollar signs! $$$

So, I spend the next few minutes or so searching the Internet for 'duck fetish' before I decide that, sadly, the aforementioned rule is incorrect. There is obviously no market for duck porn out there. Or maybe I'm not looking in the right place as I don't frequent fetish websites. I don't spend much time looking because I am paged by a crying, hungry baby. My get-rich duck fetish plans will have to wait.

But I am easily distracted. Hours pass and I have forgotten all about these grandiose plans. Until...

Until my husband goes to search for something that starts with 'd', and 'duck fetish' is the first option given in the drop down bar. Thanks, Google.

"Um, Rox...?"



And this is why I had to explain THIS autocomplete to my husband.

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